25 years later

Once apon a time, in a country far away, there were two young people with their whole lives ahead of them....

They met when they were 15 and 17 years old and from then onward looked for every opportunity to spend time together.

They grew in friendship and love and then decided to share the rest of their life together.

On May 27, 1984 those two young friends married.

That's us - Robert & Lori - 25 years ago.

The last 25 years together have been no less than interesting. We've grown close as a couple - our values and dreams have become meshed, and our favorite activity together is to talk & plan for the future. Robert has been my greatest encourager, and I work to be his.

We've grown in our faith and served the Lord wherever we lived. We've had 2 children, homeschooled those children, and then watched them grow till they became adults. We've made friends, said goodbye to friends, and made new friends. We've moved to another country, experienced big city life with a pool, and rural life with horses in the back pasture. Through it all we rejoice over how the Lord blessed us (even in the not-so-nice times).

I wonder what the next 25 years will bring?

My favorite books ...

Robert and I are always reading - usually on topics like leadership, ministry, business and, of course, marriage.

Once we've read a book we'll encourage the other to read it or share the insights and information we've learned as we drive somewhere. (we do a lot of driving)

I've come across some great resources, both for practical advice and fascinating insight, to enrich our marriage.

Here's a list of 10 valuable books (in no particular order) I can recommend:

1. The 5 Love Languages ... by Gary Chapman

2. Relationships by Les & Leslie Parrott

3. Pray Big for Your Marriage... by Will Davis

4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman

5. The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb

6. Love is a Decision by Gary Smalley & John Trent

7. Shower Her with Roses by Tony M. Stevens

8. I Do Again by Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs

9. Building Your Mate's Self Esteem by Dennis & Barbara Rainey

10. The Second Half of Marriage... by David and Claudia Arp

Next time you're in a book store (or at the library) take a look at one or two of these.

Enjoy!

Did you know that there's over 100 synonyms for encourage?

Here's a word cloud from http://www.wordle.net/

exploring a few of the words connected to encouragement:

An experiment...

Last week I gave a few note cards to the ladies in a group to which I belong. Their mission - should they decide to accept it - was to write a positive thought to encourage someone they loved. I wanted to see if they received any feedback from their notes.

The note cards are from a company I highlighted earlier - Smiles Made Easy - (http://encourageyourspouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/making-connection.html .

I'll be meeting tomorrow with the group again. We'll see what kind of response they received ...

3 really easy steps to Celebrate the Good Stuff

Celebrations are fun. They commemorate the Good Stuff in life. However, between a husband and wife, those special occasion celebrations are often few and far between.

Now, think about a special occasion - a time when you wanted to celebrate. What ingredients went into that event? Chances are you were together with someone you cared about, you ate something, and there might have even been a lit candle or two.

When last did you light a candle while eating a meal with your spouse?

OK. Maybe I should ask a different question...

When was the last time you ate a meal with your spouse:

• just the two of you,


• sitting down at a table,


• looking at each other (not at the television)?

As I talk with more couples I'm seeing a trend - and it's worrisome. The longer a couple is married, and the more responsibility they carry, the less time they set aside to celebrate life with each other. (except for their anniversary.) Am I describing your relationship?

Maybe you can't change the number of responsibilities in your life. Maybe your children aren't old enough to leave home yet, so being alone with your spouse is almost impossible. I know. There are lots of reasons not to spend time together - not to take the time to celebrate.

However, spending time with your spouse is part of the Good Stuff in life. The Good Stuff needs to be celebrated.

So, to create the habit of celebrating the Good Stuff in life, here's my proposition:

What I'm proposing isn't major, just a slight shift. One thing every human must do is eat and drink. What if you ate one meal this week - or even shared a piece of cut-up fruit as a midnight snack - alone with your spouse? And what if you lit a candle (one of those ingredients of a celebration) and ate, sitting down, together? I imagine could make you both smile.

3-steps to Celebrate the Good Stuff

1. Light a candle.


2. Look into your spouse's eyes as you sit at a table.


3. Share a bite to eat & raise your glass to toast the Good Stuff in life - your relationship!

It's that easy to celebrate the Good Stuff in life. Make it a habit and feel special!

Marriage - a work in progress.

Guess what?

Your marriage isn't perfect... neither are you or your spouse.


Surprised? (I don't think so)


Perfection is something we, in North America, are tuned into. Our media urges its attainment with advertisements on how to have perfect skin, the perfect body, the perfect car, the perfect place to live ... you get the idea.

In addition to media, those around us are full of the "shoulds" in life...

• we should save for retirement
• we should spend more time with our kids
• we should have a college degree
• we should call our parents more
• we should help out in the community
• we should be a great cook,
• we should ... (fill in the blank here)
• we should ... (fill in the blank here)
• we should ... (fill in the blank here)

Lately Robert and I are questioning the "shoulds" in life. We're asking "why should we...?" That question stops perfectionism in its tracks, and helps us redefine our priorities depending on our answers.


I hate to break it to you, but being perfect is impossible. There was only One living human who walked on this earth who was perfect - Christ. Yes, we are are working to become Christ-like, however we are a work-in-progress.


You are not perfect - you are a work-in-progress.

Your spouse is not perfect - just a work-in-progress.

Your relationship with your spouse is just as much a work-in-progress.

Here are a few examples of couples with work-in-progress relationships:

• I'm watching a young couple form a relationship and as they shift perspectives, negotiate priorities and decide values - they are a work-in-progress. That couple often needs time to talk through their disagreements, yet they're hopeful as they overcome each issue.
• This week I talked with a young wife, married less than 5 years, who wants to to be able to have a "date" night every week. Their life is too busy right now, and she's disappointed yet hopeful - their marriage is a work-in-progress.
• Robert and I are married 25 years this May and our marriage continues to be a work-in-progress. We're navigating through the maze of responsibilities we now hold as we try to paint a picture of what the future will look like. We're optimistically hopeful that the next 25 years will be good.
• I had an email from a wife married more than 50 years and she explained how we can't expect our husbands to automatically have skills we've honed for years - like shopping on a budget and finding the best "deal". She detailed how her husband had just come home from the store and was thrilled to have made wise purchases. In their 50+ years of marriage they still have new things to learn about each other, and about navigating the responsibilities in marriage. She's thankful to share the adventure of their marriage of 50+ years, eventhough it's still a work-in-progress!

So please stop expecting things in your marriage relationship to be perfect! Everyone is working to progress.

To quote the wife married 50+ years:

" ... it is good to share good news, and it's encouraging perhaps for others to know that it's never too late for a marriage to be improved, even salvaged. God is in the business of restoring all things, including marriages. It takes commitment to the marriage "for better or for worse", faith in God and His Word, trust, patience, perseverance and prayer."

Have hope. And keep in mind your relationship doesn't have to be perfect - just a work-in-progress.

Remaining Hope Filled

I work on staying filled with hope - it doesn't always happen automatically.

One book I pick up to re-fill my hope is a little inspirational volume by Roy Lessin -

365 Day Brighteners Reflections from the Heart of God.

ISBN 259449153-4

Roy Lessin's inspirational words are highlighted and then a word from scripture - today was Lamentations 3:22,23 NRSV "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

How do you remain filled with hope?